Dmitri the Stud: A Story of Dark Humour, Hilarity, and Self-Reflection...

After a two-day (My own doing; not any airlines or anything like that) journey to my new home, I check Facebook and find that one of my friends has posted a lovely (in a very dark way) story about a guy who is known colloquially in Toronto as "Dmitri the Stud!"

Long story short, girl goes out to have drinks with friends and is approached by our friend Dmitri. According to said girl, he keeps pestering her about how cute she is, yada yada yada. To get rid of him, she hands him her business card and he goes along his merry way only to call later on and basically hand her his very abstract life story that sounds almost too good to be true (Why do I keep thinking of myself when I'm writing this?). He later issues a very veiled threat to return his call as a way to save face by advertising himself as the catch of the century.

This "stud" should learn some serious lessons, and this comes from experience. In a similar manner, Dmitri reminds me of myself a few years back. I was an insecure person who tried to save face and market himself as the perfect guy. I won't say whether it worked or not since that is the past and we all learn from the mistakes we make or perfect our technique...

Anyhow, here's a few rules for our friend Dmitri:

1. No such thing as a perfect guy. Flaws help to create character. A man without a flaw is a man without a character (Maybe I'm compensating for myself when I say that!). I have my flaws and I'm sure a lot of my friends can name them without thinking! I don't know if my flaws are attractive, and judging by the number of women that approach me... oh wait, next line...

2. NEVER tell a woman how many other women approach you (real or imaginary) per day/week/month/annum as a way to show yourself as a stud. It should be common knowledge but in case it isn't: in our culture, one woman is (read: should be) the world of the man, not "six or seven!" If you're a guy from another culture and want to pick up a woman in the typical western world, don't talk about other women, no matter how real they may be and if you really like her, it is a HUGE turn-off. I'm just saying this from personal observations...

3. Job and money: I don't know why this should be included at all when you meet someone for the first time in an attempt to "pick up" said person. Someone who instantly mentions their job or pay (either numerically or saying that "it pays great") is really insecure about him/herself (I really should take this piece of advice for myself!). We all have our moments of insecurity, don't let it take over you. If you feel insecure, do something that'll make you feel better. Some like to kick back with a few drinks, but I haven't found my groove yet...

4. Implying that the woman has psychological/personal issues as the main reason for not calling back is just plain wrong. I don't think I need to explain this!

5. This is anecdotal, but a woman likes to be told she's pretty to a certain extent. By which I mean that they'd love to be told they're pretty, but they also want to be seen as a person who has achieved something apart from looking pretty. None of my close female friends want to be seen as a sex object. Try the lost art of conversation and get her talking about things she knows and does. You know what? By this point, I should be taking all of this advice for myself too so I'm not going to say "I should really take this piece of advice" anymore!

6. Finally, if she doesn't return your contact, she's not interested. It has happened to me before, and it will happen again. It is just as inevitable as the sun rising. Funny how I write it and realize just how much this last rule hurts but that's my reality.

I wrote these "rules" down because it pisses me off to see a guy act so desperate in his 20's (at least) since I see myself as a teenager and I must say, I don't yearn to go back since I am enjoying my third decade much more. I had my happy moments, the times that I would never forget were there, and I have made friends that last a lifetime so I'm not the least bit upset about being a teenager. Being a teenager was an awkward time of discovery that would sometimes feel humiliating but in hindsight, was no biggie.

A lot of things go through my mind when I write this down. I think about certain people, what I've said to them, and other things. Sometimes I come off too strong, sometimes I don't seem interested enough and sometimes I just ignore them and boast about myself (I'm trying to work on this last one). I've realized that this Dmitri fellow is the man inside us all who yearns for that special someone and when he finds her, can't explain to himself why she won't return his calls so he makes up things to ease the pain of his shortcomings and part of it is blaming her in some manner or another. I have been in that boat and I can't say that I'm off it completely since it wouldn't define me properly.

The only difference between Dmitri and myself is that he expresses it in words to which we all think he is a borderline psychopath and should instead stand in front of the mirror and do certain things to himself that I won't write down since he believes that he is God's gift to women!

Still, I don't have a job that pays great and I don't think that six or seven women approach me every day - unless they're airline stewardesses and asking me if I'd like tea or coffee!

EDIT: I found out that this "Dmitri the Stud" is actually an actor and this is a viral advertising campaign of some sort...

On My 9/11...

I've been inspired to write this blog posting after reading The New York Times earlier today about 'happy' memories on 9/11. These aren't exactly happy memories per se, but they aren't unhappy either.

On my 9/11 I was with my friends and classmates from my entire grade 10 class up north for a weeklong leadership camp. I was only 14 and when looking back through the journal I wrote at the time, I was a child but thought greater of myself - typical teenager mentality. I had my reasons for being so gallant including the fact that I finished one adventure to Iran and the UK which had lasted for over a month that previous summer and here I was on another.

That previous summer, I had seen so much more than before. It wasn't the typical going-to-see-family trip that we had previously, but I saw my ancestral homeland's ancient history, a decent piece of Europe, and now I'm with my school on an adventure that would stay with me. I have been traveling to various places in Europe, Iran and the United States since I was a two-year-old, but these last trips really stuck with me.

Back to 9/11, we had just finished breakfast and were waiting to do the day's activities in each of our groups. It was at that moment that the first plane had hit the WTC Tower but we were clueless of it. There was no internet, no 24-hour news channel to turn to, nothing. We were disconnected from the rest of the world and would soon be going on our activities.

We were innocent yet we were growing up and discovering ourselves at 14 when the world changed.

When the towers fell, my group was lost in the forest. Doing a compass activity, somebody made a typo on the navigation sheet and we ended up going off in the wrong direction! Even the navigation counsellors were puzzled with the new scenery - that definitely was not a good sign!

We finally made it back to the camp right around lunch with not enough time to debrief but I think we all learned something about ourselves in that activity in the midst of being lost. We sensed fear because we were lost but banded together on getting back to the camp based on memory and teamwork.

By this time, I and many others were still blissfully unaware of the fear, terror, paranoia and suffering that was happening just south of us.

Only two days into this experience and all of us were quickly becoming friends, laughing together, and just enjoying ourselves away from home and school - what a different world we were in.

The bad news came from one of the teachers who was chaperoning this trip at around 1 PM. "There has been an attack in the United States today" he says to which I had no idea how to react. "Today, the world has changed," he continued and I look out to my fellow campers since at this point, I don't seem to understand what he's saying. The magnitude of the situation hit me when I saw one of the counsellors welling up. This was serious.

All of a sudden, we learned about airliners hitting buildings in New York, the White House was bombed, loss of life in the tens of thousands and all sorts of other apocalyptic stories. Could this be true or was this a way to bring the campers even closer together?

A lot of questions went through my mind, but the show went on. There was still no way in getting the information and I was a bit of a visual person so hearing or reading about it didn't exactly work for me.

I cannot remember what my group was doing that afternoon, but we had about two hours of free time after the activities before dinner and instead of going for a swim like I always did that week, I stayed and listened to the radio that one of the guys had in his cabin but I lack an imagination so this whole incident was still difficult to comprehend. The best thing to do was to wait it out until we would get home - three days later!

That evening after dinner, there was a campfire where we sang songs, some of the counsellors and campers did skits among other things. There was no talk of what had happened that day, the latest news or anything at all.

We continued to laugh, make jokes, and were back to being normal. The next few days we all spent together were doing more activities, a massive Olympics-like game between all groups, and a dance!

Once this week was over, I had this feeling that we were all more than just friends, that we were a tight-knit family. This feeling went right through high school all the way to graduation when we chose our different paths.

Eight years have gone by since that one week of discovery. Many of us who spent that week together up north are still friends, have moved on to greater things and have embarked on our own amazing journeys. Thanks to technology, we're still in contact but I can't help but wonder if what happened during that week was a contributor to us all being close. The answer may seem obvious to you, but I'm scratching my head...

This blog entry is my last one for a very long time because of what is coming ahead for me so this one is for all the friends made during that one week when the world went mad and we had to depend on each other for strength.

White Pine; September 9-14, 2001.

BREAKING NEWS: Former Iraqi Information Minister joins Iranian Government

TEHRAN - After a disputed election which rocked the Iranian nation and its government to its very core through bloodshed and protest, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, under the blessing of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has appointed a Minister of Information and Propaganda to his Council of Ministers - former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad Saeed al-Sahhaf.

"It is not at all an unusual move" said Mr. Ahmadinejad in a press conference that was only attended by pro-government journalists since all foreign journalists and government critics were deported or jailed; "Mr. al-Sahhaf has shown his courage and dedication to his government even under fire... its not like he was running through a red light or acted like a soccer hooligan when he was arrested by the infidel Americans."

"I would like to also add that he is a Shia Muslim so he belongs with us in Iran" added Mr. Ahmadinejad later on.

Al-Sahhaf was previously the Information Minister of Iraq and rose to popularity in the buildup to the 2003 war with his often comical rhetoric of being very optimistic and even delivering such memorable lines as "there are no American infidels in Baghdad" when only a few blocks away from a convoy of American-led tanks.

He was briefly an icon of popular culture and had gained the moniker "comical ali" with websites dedicated to him such as We Love the Iraqi Information Minister

The former minister was captured shortly after the invasion of Iraq was completed but released since he did not have any information that would have led to the capture of the higher ups in the government of Saddam Hussein nor was he ever a wanted man to begin with. He has lived with his family in the United Arab Emirates until this appointment.

"Let me assure everyone that I will report the truth and only the truth to the people of Iran" said Mr. al-Sahhaf during the press conference, "my aim is to show that this very legitimate Iranian government is as transparent and stable as any other government in the world."

The former Iraqi Information Minister has used his "let me assure" rhetoric before to tell reporters the Iraqi government's very optimistic information of destroying Americans during the war and as a result, a small chuckle emanated from the audience of journalists, with Mr. Ahmadinejad looking rather puzzled.

With his appointment, the number of members in the Council of Ministers within the Iranian government is now 22, but many critics outside Iran argue that Mr. al-Sahhaf's limited knowledge of Farsi - the main language of Iran - will be a big obstacle for him.

However, it appears that Mr. Ahmadinejad's stance on having a fellow Shi'ite Muslim in his cabinet as well as Supreme Leader Khamenei's recent blind support for the Iranian president has taken priority over this.

No comment has been received from any of the opposition candidates currently.

The In-Flight Magazine - Please Let You Be...

I love to travel. There is no disputing that statement whatsoever. For any excuse (and if I have the money to do so), I will jet off somewhere because I want to. I usually travel economy because its all I can afford right now but I'm young and ambitious!

In my life, one thing that has remained constant through all my travels was the in-flight magazine in the seat pocket - and I have been traveling since I was very young.

Before the days of individual screens that had different channels for different films, television shows, or music videos, I would read the magazine. It also helped that when I was younger, I was an avid reader and could easily amuse myself with just about any publication. I'm still an avid reader and a regular library and bookstore-goer!

I don't remember any of the articles written since these magazines are more of a diversion rather than an intellectual gain for me but one thing that I've noticed now is how much of a preview these publications were for the places I was going to visit.

One example was earlier this year when I was traveling from Cairo to Abu Dhabi and the magazine on board the Etihad Airbus was talking about the upcoming Red Bull Air Race as well as current events happening in the Emirate and the best malls to go shopping.

Another such example is when I was on a flight from London to Baku several years back and being on a smaller aircraft (Airbus A320) than the one that got me across the pond (A brand new Boeing 777 at the time), you pretty much had to entertain yourself by reading a book or a magazine but I digress.

The fact was, this magazine - even though it was an English publication (I'll let you guess which airline!) - gave me such a good preview of the city of Baku and the country of Azerbaijan. It also gave a really good preview of Iran and the city of Tehran as well as other locales within Western and Central Asia.

In my short life - and also my shorter adult life - the great majority of my traveling was for pleasure and while these magazines are great, I found them and their tidbits of information more suitable for the business traveler - a sort of Lonely Planet for the businessman or woman who might have a bit of time at the end for sightseeing.

That still didn't divert me from reading them. What has kept me interested in the magazines was the fleet information of the airlines involving either photographs or drawings of the various aircraft in the fleet.

I plead guilty to tearing out those pages when I was younger! I also plead guilty to actually taking the magazines themselves either because apart from the destination previews, the articles were interesting or there were some really nice photographs. They served as a great diversion within the cabin but once I was out and about, these magazines went to the wayside. I guess there's a formula - or the articles are so boring that because you have nothing else to do on the plane, you might as well read it to pass the time!

I write this entry because of something I read from a while back about how Emirates Airlines planned to get rid of their in-flight magazines to save on fuel and in my opinion, that's getting rid of an institution in air travel. Instead, the magazine can be read on the screen in front of you.

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather prefer to read something that I can hold in my hand like a book and not having that makes me kind of uncomfortable. I guess nearly 20 years of reading books can do that to you!

I've flown on Emirates before and I really liked their magazine, although I was more awed at the time with their seatback screens and remotes some 15 years back - something I'd never seen before but is now pretty common on all medium to long-haul - and even short haul for some airlines' - flights.

So far, the Dubai-based airline is the only one to have taken away the magazines but I'm sure other things could've been done to save on fuel. I suppose every little bit adds up in the end.

I guess I'm just a young idealist with a very romantic view of the past and the in-flight magazine gives me that view of a time when flying to a far off locale was a very adventurous thing to do...

Facebook is Nothing but an Update of Personal Websites

There has been so much stuff in the news about Facebook being intrusive and putting your life up for the world to see, but the fact of the matter is, it's nothing but an update to the personal website that computer nerds would put up about themselves during the nineties and the early part of this decade.

When I was in grade nine, I had my own free website, chock full of ads, on homestead with my favourite shows listed, my favourite music, etc.

My e-mail, a little thing about myself and the occasional update were fully visible to anyone who would have had a passing interest in me. Nobody really noticed nor cared and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing!

I didn't have a digital camera nor a scanner at the time (I was a disadvantaged geek), so there were no pictures and I ended up using photographs that I could yank off the internet to make my photo albums, mainly about the places I would like to go.

The passion for my site died eventually and I went website-less. I don't think that the site exists anymore and I haven't bothered searching for it since I can't even remember what my e-mail was nor what the name of the website was.

Facebook is nothing more than my little website that I butchered with HTML back in grade nine, except that it has the extra perks of posting photos, keeping in touch with friends, uploading videos, having apps, and other things, something that I was never able to do with my little corner of the net.

Quite frankly, this is an evolved form for me and everyone saying that it's dangerous and that sort of stuff just doesn't fly. Facebook is only dangerous if you make it out to be dangerous. By adding total strangers to see your profile could be the worst thing you ever do.

As well, keeping your security settings to only have your friends see pictures or other things is a step closer to keeping yourself safe, but many of us aren't tech-savvy and are afraid to play with the profile settings.

I admit that Facebook had the thrill of being on the internet and meeting new people, but ever since it went from a university student-only initiative to a worldwide network and one of the most visited websites on the internet, I have had a policy of adding people I met in person or people whom I work with. Those friends that I added for the hell of it when I first got Facebook to pad my friend numbers are getting the boot from my friends list, and I don't think any of them would shed a tear.

Even then, I'm risking it a bit, but I'm no longer accepting the friend request from the guy in Australia who is also a fan of Kimi Raikkonen or the guy in Pakistan who said that "because you've been to the Monaco Grand Prix, you're my friend," both of which were real events that happened in the last two years.

To close off this post, Facebook is only safe as long as you take the necessary precautions, keep your privacy settings on high and only add friends who are friends, not people whom you share a vested interest like Formula One or attending a Grand Prix.

A Tribute to Undergrad.

It's pretty much done. I have all my marks minus the final assignments, but even they are all passed and done. I only have one exam in five days time and then I can close the chapter on a tough part of my life. It's had its ups and downs.

The upside was seeing the world in a totally different view that I would've never seen. The downside is the depression that befuddled me in my first year of classes - a result of the weeding out process that the university undertakes to separate the men from the boys as well as some personal issues that I wouldn't publish on the internet - even though nobody would read it!

Anyhow, to lay tribute to 4.5 years of partying, travelling, and working my ass off, here's a little animation that tends to show up on the life science message board of my university about the mentality of how I was a student at the torturous institute known as the University of Toronto. Enjoy!

Me at the beginning of the term:




My attitude at the end of the first week:




My attitude at the end of the second week:




My attitude before mid-terms:




What I'm feeling during mid-terms:




How I am after mid-terms:




Before the finals:




Once I find out the final exam schedule:




How I am with seven days to go before the final exam:




Six days to go:




Five days to go:




Four days:




Three days:




Two days:




One day:




The night before:




One hour to go before the final:




The final exam:






Right after the exam finishes and I leave the exam hall:






During the holidays:





This has pretty much summed up how my undergraduate career in university went. Now that I look beyond, I really wish I was back in September - but not September of first year!

What happens from here? I don't know. Does anyone have a job for me?

Wowed Beyond Belief at Mumbai Terrorist Attack

It's absolutely unbelievable what has happened in Mumbai. This is an attack that had gone on for nearly 59 hours. Many civilian places targetted, many civilians murdered for what the terrorists claim was their religion.

It's amazing that while the human death toll is at the time of writing about 20 times less than that of the 9/11 attacks, the psychological power of this attack was just as strong, if not more.

These terrorists were faceless, I have only seen a few pictures, and that was when they were in action, with most of the images being grainy.
The best picture that could be found shows a young guy. He looks like a guy I would sit next to in my biology class and would be the type of guy who'd fight tooth and nail to get into medical school. It's hard to believe that indoctrination created what could have been brilliant people who would save the world into people who create more havoc.

Just looking at this attack, it is something that has wowed me. Watching images online for the most part is something very interesting. At the end of the siege at the Taj Mahal Palace hotel, there was a cell phone picture of what appeared to be the body of a terrorist who had jumped to his death from the window.

The image of the body with a gun and blood around was very gruesome, but allowed a human element at the same time, something that just wasn't seen in the mainstream media. We heard the term 'gunmen' so often that we were desensitized to it and had the thought that it was just a bunch of raving and well-coordinated lunatics running around with religion as the mentality.

Still, this attack was terrible, and while my scribbling here is any indication of my attitude towards this now-over siege, I'm still stunned...