BREAKING NEWS: John McCain announces his defection to the Democratic Party

Following in the wake of the today's report in the New York Times about an affair with a pretty hot female lobbyist, Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain has announced that he is officially switching loyalties to the Democratic Party.

"The Republicans have always pissed me off" says McCain in response to why he's switching. "The Democrats don't dictate who or how many women you get to screw with. Bill Clinton did it, so did JFK and FDR, and they were all great presidents" adds McCain with a smile.

The reaction from the Republican Party has been muted. Mike Duncan, head of the Republican National Committee, the main body for promoting the Republican platform commented by saying "John was always confused." He goes on to say that McCain "was always too liberal for our liking, and when he decided to jump ship, we all let off a sigh of relief because he was making us all into a bunch of socialist loving, big business hating, environmental protecting morons."

As for what will happen to him as a presidential candidate, the Democratic National Commitee has welcomed him with open arms and proposed that the 916 pledged delegates join in the Democratic convention. Howard Dean was reported to be high-fiving with McCain and learning how to scream properly when he loses a caucus. When asked about how he'll balance it with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, he took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, grabbed a microphone and started yelling "WE'RE GONNA WELCOME McCAIN TO THE CONVENTION, AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE CLINTON LIVE WITH IT, YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Bill Clinton on the other hand was very happy with McCain saying "we have another brother who feels like a true Democrat. It doesn't hurt the nation when you sleep with someone else other than your wife, but Republicans like to steal money from the working people." When asked to specify what he meant by the female reporter, he responded by saying "you can find the answer to that in the toolshed out back", to which he proceeded with a wink.