Trolling at the Globe & Mail

I'm not posting that often anymore because I'm just so busy with life these days. However, I just wanted to share this little trolling snippet I found in the Globe & Mail that made me laugh to tears.

On an article about cheese, Durgan gives an off-topic post about how cheese used to be great back in the days when men were men. The response to this off-topic post was priceless!

The responses are a reference to the Simpson's episode Last Exit to Springfield in the scene Grandpa is hired as a strike breaker by Mr. Burns, as part of the many stories in this show. His tactic was to tell stories that went nowhere.

You can find his quote here

See you next year!

Emirate-gate Analysis

I read the news today and learned of a story that really irked me not because of the original contents, but because of the way it was spun by the Canadian media.

I'm talking about the Emirate-gate scandal that has the Canadian government up in arms. To sum it all up, the government of the United Arab Emirates is basically telling the Canadian forces to vacate the Camp Mirage facility outside of Dubai where they are stationed. To add insult to injury, The UAE also banished Canadian Defence Minister Peter MacKay from their airspace.

To me, that would be the last straw. If I were Stephen Harper (the Prime Minister of Canada) I'd send their ambassador packing from Ottawa, recall our ambassador from Abu Dhabi, and banish their two airlines - Emirates and Etihad - from our airspace entirely. I mean seriously, how dare the UAE do this to our government and our military!

However, after reading more into the story, I saw some things that weren't accurately reported by the Canadian media but talked about in publications from the Persian Gulf or international newswires.

The biggest one that I will talk about is during the time Camp Mirage was used, there were also negotiations going on between the Canadian government and the Emirati government regarding extra landing slots and the permission to fly to more airports than Pearson International (YYZ) in Toronto. As it goes right now, Emirates Airlines and Etihad Airways can only fly to YYZ three times a week and no more - which is actually quite unfair.

The Canadian government and Air Canada - Canada's flag carrier - stated quite simply that there aren't enough Canadians traveling to the UAE.

In my honest opinion, if Emirates and Etihad want to fly these routes six or seven days a week each, then more power to them since they are taking that risk. But why is the Canadian government and the Canadian flag carrier - two entities that are completely separate from these Emirati airlines - dictating that there won't be enough people using the services of these airlines?

As well, these are the only airlines that will fly non-stop from Toronto to either of the UAE hubs. Air Canada doesn't fly to DXB or AUH, and if I wanted to seriously not fly with either Emirates or Etihad, I could fly out of New York JFK or Atlanta and take United or Delta - but that would mean a very long journey since I fly from Canada to either of these hubs and I might not be flying direct to these airports. There's also flying to Europe, transiting, and then going to the UAE from there but why transit when I could fly direct?

Anyways, I digress. So how does this relate to Emirate-gate? It appears that the lease on this base where the Canadian forces are stationed expired this past June. The government of the UAE, in order to expedite negotiations with the airlines and the Canadian government extended the years-old lease for three more months to expire on October 10. It was "a show of goodwill" from the Emiratis.

This incident with Peter MacKay happened on October 11 - the day after this lease ended. The way it was spun by the Canadian media is like taking a coupon for a free burger to the fast food joint a day after it expires, being told that the coupon won't be honored since it is no longer valid, throwing a fit by saying that the fast-food joint discriminated against you for whatever reason and then reporting the story in favour of the person who was in the wrong to begin with.

The Canadian media made it look like Peter MacKay was on the plane to the UAE when an air traffic controller on the ground told the plane that they don't have the right to land anymore as if it was out of the blue but the Emiratis are saying that this whole issue was known about beforehand.

Overall, the Canadian media failed on this story. Instead of holding the government accountable, they acted like a bunch of yes-men and towed the party line. A little bit of research could have gone a long way...

Dmitri the Stud: A Story of Dark Humour, Hilarity, and Self-Reflection...

After a two-day (My own doing; not any airlines or anything like that) journey to my new home, I check Facebook and find that one of my friends has posted a lovely (in a very dark way) story about a guy who is known colloquially in Toronto as "Dmitri the Stud!"

Long story short, girl goes out to have drinks with friends and is approached by our friend Dmitri. According to said girl, he keeps pestering her about how cute she is, yada yada yada. To get rid of him, she hands him her business card and he goes along his merry way only to call later on and basically hand her his very abstract life story that sounds almost too good to be true (Why do I keep thinking of myself when I'm writing this?). He later issues a very veiled threat to return his call as a way to save face by advertising himself as the catch of the century.

This "stud" should learn some serious lessons, and this comes from experience. In a similar manner, Dmitri reminds me of myself a few years back. I was an insecure person who tried to save face and market himself as the perfect guy. I won't say whether it worked or not since that is the past and we all learn from the mistakes we make or perfect our technique...

Anyhow, here's a few rules for our friend Dmitri:

1. No such thing as a perfect guy. Flaws help to create character. A man without a flaw is a man without a character (Maybe I'm compensating for myself when I say that!). I have my flaws and I'm sure a lot of my friends can name them without thinking! I don't know if my flaws are attractive, and judging by the number of women that approach me... oh wait, next line...

2. NEVER tell a woman how many other women approach you (real or imaginary) per day/week/month/annum as a way to show yourself as a stud. It should be common knowledge but in case it isn't: in our culture, one woman is (read: should be) the world of the man, not "six or seven!" If you're a guy from another culture and want to pick up a woman in the typical western world, don't talk about other women, no matter how real they may be and if you really like her, it is a HUGE turn-off. I'm just saying this from personal observations...

3. Job and money: I don't know why this should be included at all when you meet someone for the first time in an attempt to "pick up" said person. Someone who instantly mentions their job or pay (either numerically or saying that "it pays great") is really insecure about him/herself (I really should take this piece of advice for myself!). We all have our moments of insecurity, don't let it take over you. If you feel insecure, do something that'll make you feel better. Some like to kick back with a few drinks, but I haven't found my groove yet...

4. Implying that the woman has psychological/personal issues as the main reason for not calling back is just plain wrong. I don't think I need to explain this!

5. This is anecdotal, but a woman likes to be told she's pretty to a certain extent. By which I mean that they'd love to be told they're pretty, but they also want to be seen as a person who has achieved something apart from looking pretty. None of my close female friends want to be seen as a sex object. Try the lost art of conversation and get her talking about things she knows and does. You know what? By this point, I should be taking all of this advice for myself too so I'm not going to say "I should really take this piece of advice" anymore!

6. Finally, if she doesn't return your contact, she's not interested. It has happened to me before, and it will happen again. It is just as inevitable as the sun rising. Funny how I write it and realize just how much this last rule hurts but that's my reality.

I wrote these "rules" down because it pisses me off to see a guy act so desperate in his 20's (at least) since I see myself as a teenager and I must say, I don't yearn to go back since I am enjoying my third decade much more. I had my happy moments, the times that I would never forget were there, and I have made friends that last a lifetime so I'm not the least bit upset about being a teenager. Being a teenager was an awkward time of discovery that would sometimes feel humiliating but in hindsight, was no biggie.

A lot of things go through my mind when I write this down. I think about certain people, what I've said to them, and other things. Sometimes I come off too strong, sometimes I don't seem interested enough and sometimes I just ignore them and boast about myself (I'm trying to work on this last one). I've realized that this Dmitri fellow is the man inside us all who yearns for that special someone and when he finds her, can't explain to himself why she won't return his calls so he makes up things to ease the pain of his shortcomings and part of it is blaming her in some manner or another. I have been in that boat and I can't say that I'm off it completely since it wouldn't define me properly.

The only difference between Dmitri and myself is that he expresses it in words to which we all think he is a borderline psychopath and should instead stand in front of the mirror and do certain things to himself that I won't write down since he believes that he is God's gift to women!

Still, I don't have a job that pays great and I don't think that six or seven women approach me every day - unless they're airline stewardesses and asking me if I'd like tea or coffee!

EDIT: I found out that this "Dmitri the Stud" is actually an actor and this is a viral advertising campaign of some sort...

On My 9/11...

I've been inspired to write this blog posting after reading The New York Times earlier today about 'happy' memories on 9/11. These aren't exactly happy memories per se, but they aren't unhappy either.

On my 9/11 I was with my friends and classmates from my entire grade 10 class up north for a weeklong leadership camp. I was only 14 and when looking back through the journal I wrote at the time, I was a child but thought greater of myself - typical teenager mentality. I had my reasons for being so gallant including the fact that I finished one adventure to Iran and the UK which had lasted for over a month that previous summer and here I was on another.

That previous summer, I had seen so much more than before. It wasn't the typical going-to-see-family trip that we had previously, but I saw my ancestral homeland's ancient history, a decent piece of Europe, and now I'm with my school on an adventure that would stay with me. I have been traveling to various places in Europe, Iran and the United States since I was a two-year-old, but these last trips really stuck with me.

Back to 9/11, we had just finished breakfast and were waiting to do the day's activities in each of our groups. It was at that moment that the first plane had hit the WTC Tower but we were clueless of it. There was no internet, no 24-hour news channel to turn to, nothing. We were disconnected from the rest of the world and would soon be going on our activities.

We were innocent yet we were growing up and discovering ourselves at 14 when the world changed.

When the towers fell, my group was lost in the forest. Doing a compass activity, somebody made a typo on the navigation sheet and we ended up going off in the wrong direction! Even the navigation counsellors were puzzled with the new scenery - that definitely was not a good sign!

We finally made it back to the camp right around lunch with not enough time to debrief but I think we all learned something about ourselves in that activity in the midst of being lost. We sensed fear because we were lost but banded together on getting back to the camp based on memory and teamwork.

By this time, I and many others were still blissfully unaware of the fear, terror, paranoia and suffering that was happening just south of us.

Only two days into this experience and all of us were quickly becoming friends, laughing together, and just enjoying ourselves away from home and school - what a different world we were in.

The bad news came from one of the teachers who was chaperoning this trip at around 1 PM. "There has been an attack in the United States today" he says to which I had no idea how to react. "Today, the world has changed," he continued and I look out to my fellow campers since at this point, I don't seem to understand what he's saying. The magnitude of the situation hit me when I saw one of the counsellors welling up. This was serious.

All of a sudden, we learned about airliners hitting buildings in New York, the White House was bombed, loss of life in the tens of thousands and all sorts of other apocalyptic stories. Could this be true or was this a way to bring the campers even closer together?

A lot of questions went through my mind, but the show went on. There was still no way in getting the information and I was a bit of a visual person so hearing or reading about it didn't exactly work for me.

I cannot remember what my group was doing that afternoon, but we had about two hours of free time after the activities before dinner and instead of going for a swim like I always did that week, I stayed and listened to the radio that one of the guys had in his cabin but I lack an imagination so this whole incident was still difficult to comprehend. The best thing to do was to wait it out until we would get home - three days later!

That evening after dinner, there was a campfire where we sang songs, some of the counsellors and campers did skits among other things. There was no talk of what had happened that day, the latest news or anything at all.

We continued to laugh, make jokes, and were back to being normal. The next few days we all spent together were doing more activities, a massive Olympics-like game between all groups, and a dance!

Once this week was over, I had this feeling that we were all more than just friends, that we were a tight-knit family. This feeling went right through high school all the way to graduation when we chose our different paths.

Eight years have gone by since that one week of discovery. Many of us who spent that week together up north are still friends, have moved on to greater things and have embarked on our own amazing journeys. Thanks to technology, we're still in contact but I can't help but wonder if what happened during that week was a contributor to us all being close. The answer may seem obvious to you, but I'm scratching my head...

This blog entry is my last one for a very long time because of what is coming ahead for me so this one is for all the friends made during that one week when the world went mad and we had to depend on each other for strength.

White Pine; September 9-14, 2001.

BREAKING NEWS: Former Iraqi Information Minister joins Iranian Government

TEHRAN - After a disputed election which rocked the Iranian nation and its government to its very core through bloodshed and protest, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, under the blessing of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has appointed a Minister of Information and Propaganda to his Council of Ministers - former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad Saeed al-Sahhaf.

"It is not at all an unusual move" said Mr. Ahmadinejad in a press conference that was only attended by pro-government journalists since all foreign journalists and government critics were deported or jailed; "Mr. al-Sahhaf has shown his courage and dedication to his government even under fire... its not like he was running through a red light or acted like a soccer hooligan when he was arrested by the infidel Americans."

"I would like to also add that he is a Shia Muslim so he belongs with us in Iran" added Mr. Ahmadinejad later on.

Al-Sahhaf was previously the Information Minister of Iraq and rose to popularity in the buildup to the 2003 war with his often comical rhetoric of being very optimistic and even delivering such memorable lines as "there are no American infidels in Baghdad" when only a few blocks away from a convoy of American-led tanks.

He was briefly an icon of popular culture and had gained the moniker "comical ali" with websites dedicated to him such as We Love the Iraqi Information Minister

The former minister was captured shortly after the invasion of Iraq was completed but released since he did not have any information that would have led to the capture of the higher ups in the government of Saddam Hussein nor was he ever a wanted man to begin with. He has lived with his family in the United Arab Emirates until this appointment.

"Let me assure everyone that I will report the truth and only the truth to the people of Iran" said Mr. al-Sahhaf during the press conference, "my aim is to show that this very legitimate Iranian government is as transparent and stable as any other government in the world."

The former Iraqi Information Minister has used his "let me assure" rhetoric before to tell reporters the Iraqi government's very optimistic information of destroying Americans during the war and as a result, a small chuckle emanated from the audience of journalists, with Mr. Ahmadinejad looking rather puzzled.

With his appointment, the number of members in the Council of Ministers within the Iranian government is now 22, but many critics outside Iran argue that Mr. al-Sahhaf's limited knowledge of Farsi - the main language of Iran - will be a big obstacle for him.

However, it appears that Mr. Ahmadinejad's stance on having a fellow Shi'ite Muslim in his cabinet as well as Supreme Leader Khamenei's recent blind support for the Iranian president has taken priority over this.

No comment has been received from any of the opposition candidates currently.

The In-Flight Magazine - Please Let You Be...

I love to travel. There is no disputing that statement whatsoever. For any excuse (and if I have the money to do so), I will jet off somewhere because I want to. I usually travel economy because its all I can afford right now but I'm young and ambitious!

In my life, one thing that has remained constant through all my travels was the in-flight magazine in the seat pocket - and I have been traveling since I was very young.

Before the days of individual screens that had different channels for different films, television shows, or music videos, I would read the magazine. It also helped that when I was younger, I was an avid reader and could easily amuse myself with just about any publication. I'm still an avid reader and a regular library and bookstore-goer!

I don't remember any of the articles written since these magazines are more of a diversion rather than an intellectual gain for me but one thing that I've noticed now is how much of a preview these publications were for the places I was going to visit.

One example was earlier this year when I was traveling from Cairo to Abu Dhabi and the magazine on board the Etihad Airbus was talking about the upcoming Red Bull Air Race as well as current events happening in the Emirate and the best malls to go shopping.

Another such example is when I was on a flight from London to Baku several years back and being on a smaller aircraft (Airbus A320) than the one that got me across the pond (A brand new Boeing 777 at the time), you pretty much had to entertain yourself by reading a book or a magazine but I digress.

The fact was, this magazine - even though it was an English publication (I'll let you guess which airline!) - gave me such a good preview of the city of Baku and the country of Azerbaijan. It also gave a really good preview of Iran and the city of Tehran as well as other locales within Western and Central Asia.

In my short life - and also my shorter adult life - the great majority of my traveling was for pleasure and while these magazines are great, I found them and their tidbits of information more suitable for the business traveler - a sort of Lonely Planet for the businessman or woman who might have a bit of time at the end for sightseeing.

That still didn't divert me from reading them. What has kept me interested in the magazines was the fleet information of the airlines involving either photographs or drawings of the various aircraft in the fleet.

I plead guilty to tearing out those pages when I was younger! I also plead guilty to actually taking the magazines themselves either because apart from the destination previews, the articles were interesting or there were some really nice photographs. They served as a great diversion within the cabin but once I was out and about, these magazines went to the wayside. I guess there's a formula - or the articles are so boring that because you have nothing else to do on the plane, you might as well read it to pass the time!

I write this entry because of something I read from a while back about how Emirates Airlines planned to get rid of their in-flight magazines to save on fuel and in my opinion, that's getting rid of an institution in air travel. Instead, the magazine can be read on the screen in front of you.

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather prefer to read something that I can hold in my hand like a book and not having that makes me kind of uncomfortable. I guess nearly 20 years of reading books can do that to you!

I've flown on Emirates before and I really liked their magazine, although I was more awed at the time with their seatback screens and remotes some 15 years back - something I'd never seen before but is now pretty common on all medium to long-haul - and even short haul for some airlines' - flights.

So far, the Dubai-based airline is the only one to have taken away the magazines but I'm sure other things could've been done to save on fuel. I suppose every little bit adds up in the end.

I guess I'm just a young idealist with a very romantic view of the past and the in-flight magazine gives me that view of a time when flying to a far off locale was a very adventurous thing to do...

Facebook is Nothing but an Update of Personal Websites

There has been so much stuff in the news about Facebook being intrusive and putting your life up for the world to see, but the fact of the matter is, it's nothing but an update to the personal website that computer nerds would put up about themselves during the nineties and the early part of this decade.

When I was in grade nine, I had my own free website, chock full of ads, on homestead with my favourite shows listed, my favourite music, etc.

My e-mail, a little thing about myself and the occasional update were fully visible to anyone who would have had a passing interest in me. Nobody really noticed nor cared and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing!

I didn't have a digital camera nor a scanner at the time (I was a disadvantaged geek), so there were no pictures and I ended up using photographs that I could yank off the internet to make my photo albums, mainly about the places I would like to go.

The passion for my site died eventually and I went website-less. I don't think that the site exists anymore and I haven't bothered searching for it since I can't even remember what my e-mail was nor what the name of the website was.

Facebook is nothing more than my little website that I butchered with HTML back in grade nine, except that it has the extra perks of posting photos, keeping in touch with friends, uploading videos, having apps, and other things, something that I was never able to do with my little corner of the net.

Quite frankly, this is an evolved form for me and everyone saying that it's dangerous and that sort of stuff just doesn't fly. Facebook is only dangerous if you make it out to be dangerous. By adding total strangers to see your profile could be the worst thing you ever do.

As well, keeping your security settings to only have your friends see pictures or other things is a step closer to keeping yourself safe, but many of us aren't tech-savvy and are afraid to play with the profile settings.

I admit that Facebook had the thrill of being on the internet and meeting new people, but ever since it went from a university student-only initiative to a worldwide network and one of the most visited websites on the internet, I have had a policy of adding people I met in person or people whom I work with. Those friends that I added for the hell of it when I first got Facebook to pad my friend numbers are getting the boot from my friends list, and I don't think any of them would shed a tear.

Even then, I'm risking it a bit, but I'm no longer accepting the friend request from the guy in Australia who is also a fan of Kimi Raikkonen or the guy in Pakistan who said that "because you've been to the Monaco Grand Prix, you're my friend," both of which were real events that happened in the last two years.

To close off this post, Facebook is only safe as long as you take the necessary precautions, keep your privacy settings on high and only add friends who are friends, not people whom you share a vested interest like Formula One or attending a Grand Prix.